HAPPY FRIDAY. What a week! I didn’t do a lot, but it felt like I did everything. Maybe I am tired because yesterday was my outside-the-house errands day. Or maybe I’m tired because this is a skinny little no-rehearsals week where I do comparatively little. Or maybe I’m tired because I stayed up really late watching The Wizard of Oz!
It’s that one.
Happy My Birthday Eve-Eve-Eve-Eve
Next week is my birthday! Being 30 has been even better than I could’ve anticipated. I think I will miss it. I started off this year covered in jewels and full of hot dogs. It’s too soon to say, but I think I’ll probably enter 31 in a similar fashion.1 With a limited data set I can say my thirties are AWESOME. In the last 12 months, I’ve performed at least one original parody song each month, sometimes more—thanks to everyone who came out to College Radio last week or streamed the show online, by the way!—and I’ve returned to sketch comedy, which I really, really missed. I published the first installment in a new zine series. I wrote a screenplay. I started another Secret Project. I did The Artist’s Way2 and attended poetry workshops and went back to France. I have written every single day. I’ve read a zillion books. I GOT ENGAGED. I crowd-surfed at Warped Tour, in two different outfits. I married someone who agrees the Christmas Tree should go up on October 1st. I made friends with six elderly French people, and stayed friends with them. I got better at skating. I went on the best honeymoon ever with my husband who I LOVE. Being 30 was great and I would do this whole year over again in a heartbeat. But! It’s early days and I have a really good feeling about 31. I even have my 2026 planner in hand, and it’s about time to start my corresponding vision board. I will reiterate what I said last year: I’ll take allllllll the years I can get.
College Radio was a lot of fun, and this weekend I start rehearsal for the next big thing! Which happens to be this show, on Monday, October 27th. It’s called…
Yep! I am finally living every girl’s dream of being in a Hallmark movie being in a Kafka story adaptation. This is a 30-minute comedy, it was written by Myles Hewette3 and it is NOT, unfortunately, about Franz Kafka’s lesser-known brother Frank Kafka. Don’t let the wonky/misspelled ticket URL fool you!
Myles has been decompressing this week by making posters for the show. They’re utterly hingeless. Please come see me as the Supportive And Uncool Hallmark Older Sibling of your dreams
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Order Reporter? I Hardly Know ‘er!
I updated my website (HattieHayes.com) to feature Reporter, the photography/poetry zine my friend Jake and I have been working on for a LONG TIME and will continue to work on for a LONG TIME. It’s finally shipping! Wahhhhhhh!!! Jake is going to be posting some B-sides on his Instagram this week, so be on the lookout for those, especially if you want to see photos of me undergoing mouth operations.4 And I’ll have a reading to announce soon, where you can hear these poems live and in person.
These are really beautiful and sumptuous. You will like the paper. Thanks to my pals Gabriel & Jonah, incredible job with the print work. Please! Grab your copy here!
What Else
I’ve got some random thoughts.
This week I learned that former Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson, subject of the world’s greatest Halloween costume, is now a photographer. He does a lot of wildlife and event photography. Are you familiar with him? If not, go read his wikipedia. He pitched a perfect game! He is 6 foot 10!5 NEITHER OF THOSE IS WHAT HE IS MOST KNOWN FOR. Okay. After you read his wiki, catch up on what he’s doing now. His photography is incredible but his company’s logo is the real victory.
Since it’s planner season6 I re-read my own 2023 newsletter post about planner usage (below). I’m glad I wrote that for two reasons! At the time, a few people told me it helped them edit their own planner systems to better fit their lifestyles, rather than sticking to aspirational and aesthetic bloggy/vloggy styles of planning that didn’t actually work. And now, it’s an interesting time capsule. Two years ago I was relying on a combo of daily pages + digital tools to keep my schedule under control. Now, I’m pretty much entirely eschewing the digital side, and I’m embracing a vertical, hourly daily view, which is (weirdly) a great way to quell my “Oh dear lord what’s in store for me tomorrow” anxiety. Something I found overwhelming two years ago now brings me peace of mind. Who knew!All of this to say, I hope you take advantage of planner season, and throw out anything that isn’t working for you anymore.
If you’re in NYC, here’s a Ghibli string trio concert at St. John the Divine next week. If you’re reading this, it is probably up your alley. Nerd.
(St. J the D is also debuting a new cantata from Death of Classical in early October, in the CRYPT, and I wish to go!)
Someone posted about Hello Kitty’s Little Book of Big Ideas earlier this week, and WOW, I forgot about this foundational text until I saw a picture of it! In retrospect, the “witty kitty” tips like “always carry a pocket dictionary” and the friend tips (”write a personalized friendship poem”)…may have been influential. We should use Hello Kitty for propaganda more widely! I will do anything she tells me! The whole book is available to borrow on the Internet Archive, if you have needed any big ideas, recently.
This is a great article about Nathan Fielder and his show The Rehearsal. I think it perfectly pinpoints everything I’m NOT interested in consuming or creating, everything I don’t connect with in today’s media zeitgeist, but it does so in a way that makes me understand and respect what that media is attempting to do. Or, at least, it explains why it exists + the societal context of its creation. This paragraph really got me:I have never, ever in my life felt like that, but Alexandra Tanner’s writing is so strong, she almost had me convinced otherwise. Now, I want to read her book, Worry.
WIDNBTW
I lucked out with that clown purse last week, and I considered buying a bag organizer for it, but then I remembered I can just fill it with 8-14 tiny zippered pouches, to control my Loose Stuff, and so far that is preferable to getting a bulky fabric skeleton to jam in there. Then this week I walked into Sephora, asked them for my Burberry free birthday perfume treat, and walked right out without buying anything. Champion of self-control!
But that’s not all! Here is What I Did Not Buy This Week.
The world’s softest socks, from the World’s Softest Socks clearance sale. These are, really, the world’s softest. I have several pairs. I don’t need more. But if YOU need socks, these are a hell of a deal and worth every penny. And they have Halloween ones now!
A custom $18,000 jewel-encrusted pet portrait necklace from Irene Neuwirth. But...if I had $18,000...
This little, sold-out painted wooden kitty, who says GOD IS CHANGE. I am going to make my own.
A purse with the Overlook Hotel carpet on it
This snail baby (snaby) keychain, or the pumpkin babies who introduced me to Bone Burrow’s brand
Anything from Shelby DeGarmo art. They are my new favorite fine artist. I showed this gem doggie print to Myles and asked him “IS THIS WHAT I LOOK LIKE” a bunch of times in a row.
And finally, TWO organizers of “kooky pens” from Facebook Marketplace. I want to know everything about Janice, who is selling them, and how they came to be hers, and why she is getting rid of them.
That’ll have to wait til next week, I suppose! Next time you hear from me, I’ll be 31. Unless I email you Monday. Which I might, because I have a long dumb post I’ve been working on, and a recent pop culture news event has made it relevant. So, in any case, see you soon, and thanks for reading! I am going to eat garlic knots.