The Friday Dispatch: November 21, 2025

Hello, world! I am UNEMPLOYED!…for the next two days. I start a new job on Monday. More on that later yadda yadda! I’m excited, I will be writing about The New Job more in days to come, but for now, I am going to drink some white wine from a cat-shaped bottle and not think about the existence of emails for 48 hours.

A friend of mine who was furloughed earlier this year is, in her words, in her “funemployment era.” Unlike Past Versions of Hattie, she was very very prudent in her spending + saving, so while she looks for a new job, she’s taking all the classes she previously didn’t have time for. Drawing! Painting! French! Ballet! That is the energy I am trying to bring to my Weekend Without a Job. At 5pm, I logged off FOR GOOD, borrowed a corkscrew1 from a neighbor, and opened up a cat-shaped Riesling I received as a very fortuitous gift earlier this week. Happily, this means I can finally use the hot dog bottle stopper we received from my parents as a wedding gift, a wine weenie if you will.

I have never been “funemployed.” I have only ever been depressed-and-languishing-under-a-blanket-of-panic-in-bed-unemployed, til now. The last time I was unemployed, it was a miserable, almost month-long stretch that I did not tell my parents about. But it was absolutely necessary: when I gave my notice, my supervisor’s knee-jerk response was “No wonder your boyfriend just dumped you.”

A few problems with this:

This was also the boss who, after my Gram Cracker died and I took time off, welcomed me back to the office with a real zinger. The first thing she said when I walked in the door was: “Each time one of my parents died, I was at work by 6 am the next day. I guess some people just work harder than others.”

Anyway, karma came and got her, so I didn’t have to, and! When I left my Day Job today, every single person was so effusively kind and supportive that it made up for every bad boss I’ve ever had. Which is only, like, two or three, but boy did they suck!

Today, I left a job that didn’t suck, and a team that I love very much, and I am excited to tell you all about what’s coming next. That said, it has been an exhausting week. I’m gonna hit you with a ton of YouTube links, a couple weird screenshots from my Notes app, and then TTYRS.2

Man, music sure has been good recently. What’s up with that! Every year, I make a new Christmas/holiday playlist, and I’m going to do that again soon, and share it with you. BUT. There are so many nondenominational, non-holiday songs that I have been listening to recently, and I wanted to make sure I shared those. So here, have a playlist!

(IDK why The Demons within Substack are not allowing me to embed it….but here is the link for you!)

In great news, somebody FINALLY put one of my favorite songs on the karaoke side of YouTube! For years, I’ve been trying to sing Glendora by Rilo Kiley. Nobody ever has it!!! Even at the karaoke lounges that use a less-official system (called “hmm let’s see if it’s on YouTube), I’ve had no luck. But apparently, someone ripped this track from a Platinum-brand karaoke machine, and did the Lord’s work of putting it online.

This was uploaded one year ago. There is one comment:

Maya Tender, you are so right.

FINALLY: How have I not talked about Philadelphia Chickens in this space??? As a child, I was freakin’ obsessed with Philadelphia Chickens. It is a book by Sandra Boynton—if there are kids in your life, you may recognize The Belly Button Book, Barn Dance, or Moo Baa La La La—with accompanying music by Sandra Boynton.3 There are several albums in Boynton’s discography, but Philadelphia Chickens is mine. As a kid, I imagined elaborate jukebox-musical sequences of its songs, with no knowledge of who actually sang them. One of the joys of adulthood has been rediscovering the cast of featured voices on the album. What do you mean the song “I Like to Fuss,” which is about a high-strung and demanding but vocally talented person, is sung by PATTI LUPONE?! The Snuggle Puppy is ERIC STOLTZ (originally cast as Marty McFly in Back to the Future) and Pig Island is by Scott Bakula (of Quantum Leap)???? The conspiracy goes beyond space and time!

Here’s the song I listened to most as a kid. I would fantasize about bringing home some sort of giant monster-dog creature, and singing a plaintive rendition of this song to my parents in order to keep him. See also, the time I made my parents sit down and watch my self-directed choreography to “Desperate for a Dog” by the Olsen twins.

Okay. For a while now I’ve wanted to dump upon your beautiful heads some random screenshots from my Notes app. If you can believe it, not everything is a genius idea, deserving of its own 1,400 lukewarm take! Or, so I’m trying to convince myself.

First up is this. Pay attention to the timestamp! 2:09 am! And I was trying to convince a DJ he should play Funky Town.

It didn’t work.

I was scrolling through my Notes, looking for abandoned parody song ideas that may be worth resuscitating, and I found this…gem…that is instantly recognizable as being from (sigh) 2021.

Moving on! Over the summer, I had ideas for an upcoming Camp Hattie sleepover. Well—one idea. And it’s less of an idea, and more just “a thing I already have in my home.” Why did I never contribute more to this list?????

Then we have what was clearly a pre-audition note of some sort. I haven’t used any of these, YET, but maybe I need to bring them into whatever creative thing I do next:

And, finally, a classic 11:03 pm idea, which, again, I have NOT taken proper advantage of. Darn those January bursts of Halloween genius!4

So many things I did not buy! A corkscrew (borrowed from neighbor), new notebooks for new job (gifted to me by mom instead! Thank you <3), a bottle of wine or new nails (both gifted to me by Rebecca) (oh yeah, I owe you a Rebecca Nails Photo!).

Yes, she DID hand-paint these. Yes, there ARE both stars and glitter builder gel!

It’s Friday. It’s time. Here’s What I Did Not Buy This Week:

Okay, with that! I am off to read in my bed until Monday. Well, okay, I have plans Sunday and Saturday. But when I’m NOT busy, I will be IN BED alternating between Little Women and All Fours. Multitudes! Contained! Godspeed5, thank you.