Hello! Happy Friday. Last night I made a gigantic chicken tikka masala stew, and I put far too many different types of vegetable in there, and now we will be eating the same delicious pot of stew for several nights. In THIS house, the term “AI slop” means “all ingredients slop,” and it is what I cook when I get too excited about green beans! Or, as my grocery store’s signage inexplicably calls them, greens beans. They also refer to turnips as “turnits,” which I, personally, love. Potion-coded. Spellcaster stuff. If you make a bad recipe, they will turnit into a delicious recipe, if you, uh, like turnips. I also made parsnips this week that were pretty good but a little too pricey for the relatively low-volume yield!
We put our Christmas tree up this week, something we would’ve done two weeks ago were it not for the Prop Detritus littering our living room and impeding all arborial installations. Yes, in theory, the giant bug costume should be a part of our holiday decor, but it really clashes with the tinsel we’re going with this year. Oh, speaking of—Hallmark Presents: Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis is back on January 31, now with livestreaming!
I will hear no criticism from those who believe we are putting up our Christmas tree “too early” (EMILY.) (AND OTHERS.), because I am a certified Thanksgiving Non-Enjoyer and it’s not like there are any good turkeysque decorations to serve as a centerpiece for November decor anyway. I have long disliked Halloween because I love dressing up in costumes and I love thinking about death and I love eating so much candy, and I don’t need a holiday as an excuse to do it. Similarly, I don’t need Thanksgiving because, like Olivia Rodrigo, I’m grateful all the time!1 I LOVE eating sooooo much food every day, for example, aforementioned stew!2 and I like to sleep when football is on. All of this said, though, it is time for me to renew my annual campaign in which I encourage all my readers to put Home for the Holidays in the movie queue. Holly Hunter has a cool job doing art restoration in a museum, but in the first 10 minutes of the movie, she kisses her boss and gets fired, immediately before flying home (for the holidays). Her little brother (Robert Downey Jr.) is the best part of the movie but all of the cast does a great job. Dylan McDermott is a guy named Leo Fish. Jodie Foster directed this. It’s perfect. The mom (Anne Bancroft!) has the best line in the movie, which I will spoil for you now:
Totally unrelated, but I got a *~Facebook memories~* popup that reminded me of this video I was obsessed with as a teenager. A…human woman face mask music video…to the song Good Morning, Joan by the Cardigans. I’m not totally sure how High School Hattie found her way to the world of female-mask crossdressing YouTube, but I’m very glad to see the creator, Kerry, is still making lots of videos and skits and sketches! I want to siphon some of her innovation for my own life.
I Tried So Hard AND? Got So Far!
Hey, guess what else! Last Saturday was the third anniversary of this newsletter! It started as something really rooted in poetry, as you can see in the first post. In the time since, it’s been a lot of different things, and I’m sure it’ll be even more, moving forward. Back in 2022, I didn’t feel as though I had a lot of outlets for my creativity; now, I find them everywhere I look. Here’s what I said back then:
Thank God for never feeling the need to shut up! My life has changed a lot in three years, but also, no it hasn’t! Instead of living in my newsletter, the poems I’m writing are going into zines and anthologies and books. Meanwhile, my onstage stuff has come rushing back into my life, and I couldn’t be happier. Well: if I got paid $1,000,000 every time I wrote a parody song, I would be happier. But maybe not! I write a lot of parody songs so my tax situation would get wrecked. Anyway, don’t expect this space to become a showcase of my musical comedy stuff anytime soon. I’ve tried some of Substack’s video editing tools, thinking it might be nice to pull out shorter clips for social media. The actual tools were not useful, but I’m delighted to report that Substack auto-generates titles for the AI-selected clips. These are also not useful, but I love them for tasteless goofy reasons. I am working on other ways to catalog my behavior as a musical nuisance, but…more on that later.
Lego Theatre Is The Best Thing To Happen, Ever
Speaking of musicals.
My friend shared a clip of this Lego Phantom of the Opera3 production and it is, without question, one of the greatest achievements I’ve seen in many years. Phantom of the Blockera. Come on. I want nothing more than to see the rehearsals for this. I’ve got some musical theatre experience, but I have way, way, way, way, way more Lego experience. And Legos are way more frustrating. Just altogeher harder to deal with. Hurt when stepped on. Easily break nails. Small, require storage in your house, etc etc etc. However! Apparently, T Avery Norkey (dorkynorkey on social media), is a person with the patience of 10,000 saints and the talent of 10,000,000 sinners. In the full 90-minute Block Opera, there is a water feature with freakin’ fog, there is amazing camera work, and it all happened live?!?!?! Avery also performs Muppet shows with blocks, and I really hope someone gives them an unlimited budget and unlimited blocks to do with what they please.
WIDNBTW
It’s one of those weeks where everything ran out at once (Q-tips, dish soap, mop solution). So, here’s what I did NOT buy this week:
A replacement for my beloved Katy Perry tuxedo-style flats, which finally fell apart. They’re shoes that look like a suit + tie. Both heels came off during our Rocky Horror Picture Show run, which sucks, but I also have a lipstick stain on one of the collars, which is hilarious (sorry to my friend Obi, who I kicked in the mouth on accident during a dance) (she’s fine and it was really funny) (still sorry).
All of these shirts from this company, which remind me of my friend Molly
Any of these planning/time tracking apps, but there were a LOT I hadn’t heard of, and ones with really cool features, so I want to share them with you! Shoutout to the Redditor who made the spreadsheet!
Clinique’s “pink honey” lipstick, a variation on their long-beloved once-again-viral “black honey” lipstick. A PINK HONEY COLOR IS JUST PINK. IT IS NOT HARD TO FIND!!!! IT SHOULD NOT COST THIRTY USD! However I do like that they make a glitter one, so.
A “cheese shifter” romance novel called Why Cheese?, about a woman looking for love, and the four men she is considering who all…transform into cheese.
The Super Princess Peach game on Nintendo DS, which I used to have, lost or got rid of 10+ years ago, and am fixated on a small amount this week, but I don’t NEED it cause I have MARIO KART to play!
Kool-Aid Liquid.
Okay, and with that! I’ve gotta go. Because I made so much protein-and-veggie masala, Myles went to pick up bread from our local Indian place. He’s just texted me to say he’s on his way home, as he promised he would, before leaving the house. Why? Because. We have a naan disclosure agreement.
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!