Hello! Happy Friday! Tomorrow is Dick Van Dyke’s 100th birthday. Everyone, be VERY CHILL ABOUT THIS. Okay? I worked in breaking news at the end of 2021, which means I had to live-blog the public response to Betty White’s death. So, good vibes to Mr. Van Dyke! Prayers up! We don’t need another one of Mary Tyler Moore’s former costars to fall short of centenarian status.
Per my previous email, I have TWO shows this weekend! One tonight (Friday), one tomorrow (Saturday)! Come hear me read poems from Reporter Quarterly tonight and watch me act in a SKETCH COMPETITION tomorrow!
Okay! Here’s What I’ve Been Up To
Last weekend was MARCH MADNESS. Not the basketball kind, no. For years, I’ve dreamed of hosting a Little Women-themed sleepover. Last weekend, my friends and I made it a reality! My friend Emily titled it “March Madness,” because the March family is the subject of Little Women and Emily is a genius. We rented a home in Connecticut, which was built in 1690, and did all sorts of March sister-y things (crafting, cleaning, eating, bemoaning the state of the world, wearing false mustaches and singing Macho Man).
Here are some key takeaways:
There are TWO Little Women anime, a series and a movie, and they are both…somethin’. The series has a ridiculously catchy theme song and also sets the first several episodes in Pennsylvania, instead of Massachusetts.
We winded up with a discount on the house rental because our very nice Air BnB host was ill in the days leading up to our stay, and couldn’t get to the house to make our beds for us. She asked if that was okay. Uh…LADY!!!!! Yes it is! We are gonna SING SONGS while we do chores!!!! Hope you don’t mind!
building fire? hard
Before we watched Greta Gerwig’s Little Women, I staged a live-reading of texts I sent to Myles while watching the movie on a plane back in October. It’s important to note that, when I fly, I am VERY MEDICATED and therefore things are A LOT FUNNIER than most people think. Highlights of these texts include “I am seriously yukking it up” and “This should be a CD-rom game.”
Emily made a chocolate pie that we SCARFED. I made another one when I got home on Tuesday and I have it on good authority that Emily has made TWO MORE this week. Here’s the recipe, which is easy to follow, even easier if you use storebought crust (which I did when making it because I wanted a shortbread crust instead). Bonus points: add peppermint extract. Andes mint pie.
At one point, we accidentally put the movie’s subtitles in Estonian1 which was mostly funny because the change was ABRUPT and seemingly ARBITRARY. And this is a PSA, YouTube has a wide range of languages for its subtitles!
did the work of researching what types of crafts the Little Women might’ve actually done. And did you know? Decoupage!!!! HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. Rosa brought a ton of materials for decoupage boxes, and now I have a pretty handmade keepsake box on my desk.
Meanwhile, I did some pre-sleepover “crafting” of my own and made this karaoke video. If you’ve ever wanted to perform Saoirse Ronan’s “women—” speech from GGLW(2019), have I got great news for you!
On the train home, my friend Rebecca did my nails, but was only able to finish one hand’s worth. The Metro North was surprisingly efficient and unexpectedly entered express mode, so Rebecca successfully ribbonified my right hand, and then I had to run! When I got home, though, I finished my manicure. Since my motor skills are far inferior to Rebecca’s, I went with a less intricate design. Now, one hand is ribbon, one hand is wrapping paper!
I will now leave you with two songs. The first is Ricky. When introduced me to this song, she said, “It’s about a horse.” So, my expectations were high! They were exceeded.
Then, there’s this, Crank Goes The Trolley, a video that appeared on my YouTube homepage yesterday. I only know who Slayyyter is because she toured with Ke$ha, and was not on the New York tour date, instead being replaced by the Vengaboys. I did not go to this concert (I didn’t KNOW!) and I am a little sad about it, to this day, but I appreciate my friend Rosa sending me at least 14 minutes’ worth of videos, when she realized the Vengabus was parked out back.
Anyway, unrelated to all that, this mashup is EXCELLENT and the Trolley Song is from a rare “universal holiday” movie, Meet Me in St. Louis. Watch it any time of year! Fun for the whole family!
I also want to shout out “The Plot,” from the Death Becomes Her musical, which I saw on Thursday night. This is a thing: the man in a woman-centred musical gets the best song. But oh well, “Diva’s Lament” is the best song from Spamalot, so it all comes out in the wash! I was very impressed by Death Becomes Her. Great songs befitting their exceptional performers, excellent book, very funny, hit all the right humor notes, well-paced. I love being surprised by how good a musical adaptation is; like Legally Blonde, I think the musical outpaces the movie it’s based on in a big way.
Finally: a PSA. Ask people for help! Ask the world, at large, for help!
When I was on ’s show, Relationshit, one of the other performers—was it ? IAN WAS IT YOU—told a story that reiterated the value of asking your community for help. I am bad at this! I am bad at asking for and accepting help. Especially when it comes to my Big Shame Areas, which include (but are certainly not limited to!) money, cleanliness, building furniture, moving heavy objects, getting rid of things I technically don’t need, and holding onto everything I ever find sentimental. That’s why my Clothes Pile was soooooo so bad. All clean clothes. Just…not…in…locations.
So, I posted on my Instagram story and said “Hey, does anyone want to come over and help me turn my Hattie-Height Clothes Pile into a Usable Human Space? I will give you money and delicious treats.” I was overwhelmed by the response!!! At least a dozen people said they wanted to help, and most of them said they would do it for free (suckers!) (JK I would never allow this). My friend Andrea, who directs the sketch show College Radio, was one such person. Since I’ve worked with Andrea as a director, I knew she could be authoritative enough that I’d do work, but nice enough that I wouldn’t feel even more shame-y about my ongoing failure. I talked to her and we set up a time. She told me what supplies to prepare in advance.
Tuesday night, I cleaned my closet with Andrea’s help. After 6ish hours of work, it’s 85% done. I need to hang some hats on hooks, I need to finish putting clothes in bins. I need to figure out why I have so many pairs of tights and whether that’s necessary.2 But then! I’ll be done! And I wouldn’t be without Andrea. Thank you Andrea!
Imagine there’s a photo of a really big clothes pile right here. Okay? Just picture it.
WIDNBTW
Alright, long list this time. It’s the holidays so I am spending all my money on gifts. And, yet, somehow, I didn’t buy any of these things? Hm. Here is What I Did Not Buy This Week:
An $898,000 fountain pen, which I got a targeted ad for???? I guess it makes sense that I didn’t buy this.
A junk journaling book, a repeated targeted ad that makes more sense
A digital calendar, something which seems genuinely handy, but certainly not more so than the $7 year-at-a-glance calendar Myles and I buy every year
This RASPBERRY container shaped like a RASPBERRY
Tickets to What If They Ate the Baby? which is—apparently—a queer cannibal housewife3 clown show. Very Hattie-coded and yet a) I only learned about it yesterday and b) I won’t get a chance to see it before this showing at the Soho Playhouse closes! But, if I’m lucky, I will replicate the good fortune I experienced with a previous clown show—Julia Masli’s4 Hahahahahahaha, which I missed and then saw months later.
This very bookish notebook (quite core)
A Metrocard sweater (though I do plan to visit Gong Cha this weekend and buy the Metrocard-flavored(?) bubble tea, which is called the M Tea A drink) (I HOPE IT’S STILL AVAILABLE)
These books: The Correspondent, by Virginia Evans; John Candy: A Life in Comedy, by Paul Myers; All the Colors of the Dark, by Chris Whitaker; A Magical Girl Retires, by Park Seolyeon, translated by Anton Hur
A lamp shaped like a baseball, or a sweater with bow-adorned croissants on it, both at the Bryant Park winter market
Also from the market, a tote bag from Zesty Lemon which depicts the Statue of Liberty taking off her earrings before a fight
The Ricky shirt
Alright, beloveds, that’s it for me today. Happy 12/12! Repetition. I will probably post something next week and then take off til 2026. I hope you have a happy weekend and, also, a happy rest of your life! Even though I will talk to you before then.