Hi! It’s a long weekend! And next week???? NEXT week??? Well…be prepared…there will be NO Friday Dispatch, buddy…because I’ll be in FRANCE. Sorry! Not sorry! Déseolé ne SUIS pas désolé!!! I am hoping to send some photos on Friday, but, full disclosure, it is a work trip, and I will be spending much of my time in a conference center until the weekend.
That said, I don’t want to keep you from your weekend! If you’re looking for a Labor Day Weekend “SEE I knew I’d get to the beach before the season was over” read, might I suggest looking to my most recent Book Empties for ideas? There are 10 books I enjoyed and one I DESPISED! Maybe someday I’ll write up a “Most Popular Books That I Thought Were Bad Garbage” post, though I try to keep this column Hattie and not hate-y.
Okay. Ten things, a WIDNBTW and you’ll be on your way.
Dottie went to the vet last weekend (she’s fine) (a checkup) (she behaved so nicely). This is her official Vet Profile Picture:
I went to my first-ever WNBA game1 last night with my friend Kate, who is a season ticket holder for the New York Liberty. It was SO FUN and FAST and MARINE JOHANNÈS IS SO COOL. The last time I was anywhere near a basketball was high school, when I played in the students-VS-teachers game on a spirit day. Kate explained everything that I didn’t understand, it was action-packed and never boring, and we sat directly across from Shonda Rhimes. Highly recommend!
As part of the West Indian night halftime show, the Liberty’s inimitable mascot Ellie was joined by singer/dancer Shenseea, who was glorious. I have been listening to this song ever since.
I'm behind on the very trendy musical Ride the Cyclone. I knew about it and I knew a tiny little slice of the music. I didn't know anything about the plot. So I investigated! For a musical with pretty extensive catgirl content, I’m surprised to discover it is not for me. Dying? On a roller coaster? And then going into purgatory? And knockoff Zoltar is there? No! Thank you!All the staging is very cool and if you have more of a stomach for violent-death-existential-dread2 than I do, you should check it out.
Pro New York Tip: If you want to be left alone by strangers, just go everywhere in a dead sprint. The more placid you can keep your face, the better. I also like to emit a low hum when I do this; it lets people know that I am approaching and that they should avoid me.
Last week, my friend Jamee and I went to Happy Medium, an art café on Market Street. She ordered the air-dry clay and I had oil pastels. Yum! On our post-art walkabout, we wandered into The Mysterious Bookshop, one of the oldest mystery-only bookstores in NYC and the world (that link will take you to a map of independent bookstores around New York City).
Guess I have to move to San Jose:
We had our pitch meeting for College Radio: Gone Country, a sketch show I am writing for AND performing in on September 20th. Live and livestreamed! Here are some loose pitch ideas I will not be writing for the show:
Something about the song Convoy (sorry, Myles) (if you know Convoy by C.W. McCall, please reassure Myles that it is, in fact, a Very Popular Song)
The next meeting of the Harper Valley PTA
Sitcom episode based on Coal Miner's Daughter
TV ad by the Fist City tourism department (Loretta Lynn rages through the background on occasion just WRECKING people)
You’re at a dinner party with the couple from the song Jackson (they suck)
A Beer For My Horses sketch that would require buying four horse costumes
Boy named Sue does 23 and me, learns ALL his siblings are named Sue. Also the dog.
Pantene ad set to the tune of Jolene
The Minnesota state fair’s crop art continues to be my favorite thing of all. My personal highlights include a couple from this Star Tribune Facebook post; the “Seed” poster parody with “Crop quiz, hot shot” and the "ceci n'est pas un corn dog" ALSO important.
It won’t let me embed this video, which is called Horses, Peacefully Farting and Snoring. Please click the link.
WIDNBTW
Labor Day weekend sales? Uh, no, more like “I labored so I can sit on my money like a big dragon.” IDK, guys, I saw too many clips of Chappell Roan being compared to the dragon from Shrek and now I don’t think good. Here’s What I Did Not Buy This Week!
These PERFECT diary stickers
A knockoff Balenciaga Rodeo bag, though I AM considering it after seeing one IRL on the train. I know I’ve been spending too much time on the “replica handbag” corner of Reddit when I can see a bag from across the train and know what it is.
A Linden is Enough “maxi tote” in butter yellow
ABBA Cat Dress materials
A copy of Silly Little Projects zine—if someone in New York gets their hands on this, please LMK and I will pay you in kind!
Rare horse watch
A property being sold by Kate Pierson of the B-52s. It’s in upstate NY and learning about her various cool properties brought me to this great Q&A!
Sylvanian ballet theater, solely for its speaker
The Lewis Leather Bag, by Maketh Thou, in yellow (can you tell I’m on a “big bags” kick right now?)
Okay, happy Friday. Remember: NO Hattie next week. Unless I decide to give you a soupçon of France. Also if you have Parisian reccs, please give them to me! Merci et byebye.